When That Pattern Of Doing *All The Things* Sneaks Up On You
Pretty recently, I had a complete meltdown.
I’d been getting this helpless feeling for a while. Like, “why is no one helping me?”
“Why am I doing everything myself??”
“Does this person (and that person) not see all that I’m doing and give a shit that I’m doing it all while they’re perfectly fine with doing nothing?”
I was getting flashbacks of the book I had read over the holiday break, Drop The Ball: Achieve More By Doing Less by Tiffany Dufu, and wondering how in the world I’d have the time to go back and implement the countless wonderful words of wisdom and advice she gave in that book around how to stop doing everything yourself and start getting your family to work as a team.
But I kept going….on and on, doing everything on my own because if no one else is gonna do it, I’ve gotta do it (at least that’s what I told myself).
Despite all of the time that I consciously dedicate to resting, I still (yes, STILL) have this pattern of doing all the things.
Maybe it’s because I grew up doing everything for myself and was raised by a single mother who worked a lot.
Maybe it’s because I was a single parent myself.
Maybe it’s because I’m an entrepreneur and my mind goes off the hook with ideas nonstop.
Either way, I never ever thought that this Martyr-Mom Syndrome (you know, the moms that you see everywhere, who are always complaining about how they’re expected to do ALL the things just because they’re women) applied to me.
But this month, it did. I was so deep in that mess I had no idea I was in it, nor did I know how in the world to get out.
It is so true that as women we take on so much - whether that is self-inflicted or expected by others.
And it’s not just at home. It’s been a really long time since I’ve taken a good chunk of time off from thinking about how every situation in my life will apply to my work.
There’s always this thing in the back of my mind that says, “I have to show up. I can’t just disappear. If I do, then I’ll lose momentum. I’ll get out of flow.”
And this old nugget: “If I don’t keep going, my income will drop. Or worse…disappear.”
But something happened to me one morning and it gave me a pretty big wake up call.
One day, I went to lay down in bed after getting up for a minute and I felt this flip-flopping feeling in my heart. It really freaked me out. I still don’t know exactly what happened, but I know it wasn’t good.
So, I tuned in and asked my guides, “What do I need to do here?” and it went something like this:
Me: “Why do I keep getting this response from you? Am I supposed to just sit around all day and do nothing all of the time?” (In case you couldn’t tell, I was pretty frustrated with their answer.)
Guides: “You haven’t actually been resting. When was the last time you just rested without thinking about what you want or need to do? When was the last time you took a good break without thinking about work in SOME way for a good chunk of time?”
Me: “Well, f*ck. That’s true.”
…and then I had my meltdown.
I went off the handle and told my family members that I wasn’t doing a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g around the house until I felt better and that it was up to them to deal with dogs getting fed and walked, up to them to deal with them getting fed, house cleaned, groceries bought…all of the things.
Was that the best way to handle it? I don’t know. Because I’m not perfect :)
But I know that I need to honor my energy. And because I’m a Projector by Human Design, I’m generally already running low on energy and I am NOT designed to be doing all of the things.
This pattern of doing all the things snuck up on me again.
I’m still releasing it.
All I can do is consciously release it. And love myself. And honor my energy.
Yoga nidra really helps me heal and release this pattern.
Human Design helps me to understand my energy and, to be honest, gives me permission to be who I’m meant to be (unapologetically) with the energy and gifts that I came here with. Not to just waste all of my energy, doing all the things because I think I have to or because I’m expected to.
I’m so grateful that I have these things to remind me of how to come back home to myself and how to heal whenever this pattern presents itself.
Over to you…
Can you relate to any of this?
Do you ever find a pattern or urge to do all the things sneaking up on you and taking you out?
If so, how do you manage it?
Let me know on Instagram.
Sending you so much love, always.
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Share your story…
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As Brene Brown shared in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, we need a little more "Courage, Compassion and Connection" in this world. Sharing your story with others is how we can cultivate that.
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